One reason I started this blog is because I feel like I have a somewhat unique ability to bridge gaps. Maybe. I hope. In addition to helping me sort out my own beliefs, I really wanted this blog to be a platform for me to help people understand each other. I have a lot of devout Christian friends. I have a lot of non-religious or even atheist friends. I have been all of the above at different points in my life.
I want to use this post to scratch the surface of this topic, and explain how an intelligent, logical thinking person who firmly believes in science (I am! I swear!!) can also believe in God.
When I stopped going to church, it wasn't a conscious decision and it wasn't because of any one thing. It was very gradual. I didn't just decide one day that I didn't believe in God anymore and say screw it. It was a process, like most things in life. I remember my mom telling me once, with genuine fear in her voice, that she was worried that I wasn't a Christian anymore. And I was like, "Mom, chill out. Of course I'm still a Christian. I'll always be a Christian."
But that wasn't true. After long enough away from the gospel, listening to liberal podcasts and getting involved in online communities, as time went by, the more atheism made sense to me. Things like faith and prayer and obedience seemed really silly. I can't honestly say that I ever truly stopped believing in God, but I definitely reached a point where my doubt outweighed my faith. I wanted to believe in God, but it seemed very unlikely to me.
And then I had my "Come to Jesus" moment. A point in my life where things got so dark that I saw no reason to go on. I'll be honest, this is not something I was unfamiliar with. I'd reached that point many, many times in my life. But this time was different. This was last straw bad. My sisters told me to pray. And I had nothing to lose.
What happened next is something I will never be able to explain. I liken it to trying to explain the color green to someone who's been blind since birth. It doesn't matter what words I choose, I'll never truly be able to convey it. That's how it is to try to explain the Spirit of God. All I can ask is that you trust me - I am an intelligent person, a logical thinker, a believer in science, a skeptic who requires the burden of proof be met before I believe. That is who I am, and if you believe that about me, then please trust me when I say that my experience was undeniable. It cannot be explained away. I felt God's love.
If you know much about me, or if you read my last post, you'll know how important freedom is to me. I read an article recently about an atheist group in California who is starting a billboard campaign. Because freedom is my core belief, I certainly can't say I don't think they should be allowed to do the campaign. The first amendment is, in my opinion, the most important part of the constitution and I will always defend it. Everyone has the right to believe what they believe, and to express it. I will always believe that.
But man, reading about that campaign made me so sad.
I don't have the right words to explain how my life has changed since that prayer several months ago. It was the first in a series of many, many prayers and the start of a journey that has completely transformed me. One billboard I saw said something like "There probably isn't a God, so stop worrying and live your life." Oh, man! That broke my heart. The opposite is true. There is a God, and knowing that has made my life a trillion times better.
Religion has been described as "the opiate of the masses". But my senses are not dulled. I do not feel drunk, my pain has not been numbed. I am experiencing true happiness for the first time in my life. I am not high on religion. I am awake. I have not pulled religious wool over my eyes to protect me from the challenges of life. I have pulled the wool away from my eyes so I could climb the stumbling blocks, not trip over them.
Religion has been described as a "crutch." It is not a crutch. I have been healed.
It's frustrating to be limited by the language. I know I will never have the right words to explain it. Unless you've lived my life, you won't understand the difference. I had no hope. I thought my life was over. I thought I had achieved everything I was ever going to achieve in my life, at 30 years old, and now I just had to kill the next 50 years somehow. I was going to be alone, and bored, and stagnant and miserable. For 50 years. Minimum.
And now, I have hope. All of a sudden I can see all the opportunities I have. All the things I have yet to do, and all of the things that I can do, because I believe in myself. Finally. I feel excited about my life. Again, you won't know how major that is if you don't know how completely hopeless I used to feel. All I have are these inadequate words.
But anyway.
It is because of the atonement of Jesus Christ that I have any kind of future at all. And that's what I am celebrating this Christmas. The birth of Christ. His perfect example. His perfect sacrifice. His perfect love.
And my message to atheists this Christmas is this:
You don't believe in things you can't prove. But I've felt the proof.
You don't hear music with your eyes. You don't taste food with your ears. You don't see with your nose.
You see with your eyes, you hear with your ears, you smell with your nose, and you feel the spirit with your Spiritual sense. If you've never used it before, it might be a bit rusty but you have one. I promise.
I would never pressure anyone to believe the way I believe. A person's beliefs are their own and I respect that. But it's like I found this amazing, amazing gift that changed my life... it's hard not to get excited about that and want to share it with everyone. So I guess ultimately my message is...
God loves you.
Merry Christmas.
